purgatory is a melodrama performance / hyperbolic romanticized version of gnoolie not wanting to admit the source of its creative drought and self-destructive isolation.
This "purgatory" was brought on by a crash and psychotic break following the build up of unmedicated neurosis, substance misuse, heartbreak, grief, and s---- ideation.
This feeling of needing to purge ones undesirable traits demands pain and torturous rituals.